I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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