Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
