I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
