In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
