dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
