And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
