My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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