I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
