Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize