if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
