Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
