one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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