just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
