In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
