I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
