Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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