Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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