babies were throwing up all over the place
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
