I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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