I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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