he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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