I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Im part way to drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
