Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
