So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
