Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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