his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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