You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
