not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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