You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
