So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
