TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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