All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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