he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
