we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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