Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
