Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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