pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
