I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
