she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
