Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
