Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
