she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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