I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
