I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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