fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
