The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize