I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
