I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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