I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
