hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
id be glad to
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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