he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
