I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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