I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
