I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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