How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
