I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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