Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
