Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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