Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
