Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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