He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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