Your mouth is God's brothel.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
bring money and cleavage
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
