Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
