im six kinds of drunk right now
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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