Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My bed smells like the plague
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