Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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