I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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