You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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