so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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