This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
