So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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