New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
