my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
