he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You have to summon your inner elephant
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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