Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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