Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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